My Wanderer
by Simply Ridiculous
Summary: The bonus chapter from the book in Ian's P.O.V - When Ian wakes up and finds Wanda gone and Melanie is back. One-shot.


Dedicated to my friend DuskLightening: Happy Birthday Sweetie xxx

Disclaimer: I don't own The Host – Stephenie Meyer

* * *

I woke up in a daze as last nights events replayed themselves. She loved me. She had told me that she loved me with her whole soul. We'll find a solution so that she can stay – we have too. Now that I know she loves me I can never let her go.

Smiling, I rolled over, expecting to see Wanda, only to be met with the cold, empty mattress. She must have been gone a while. Sitting up I looked around in panic, listening out. The sun poured through the cracks indicating the morning. Wanda must have slipped out to get some food and hadn't wanted to wake me. Yes, that would be it. Everything is fine.

But I couldn't help the uneasy feeling in my stomach. Deep down I knew something was wrong. Pushing away those thoughts I got up to find my Wanderer.

* * *

I moved down the tunnels, a million different scenarios rushing through my head when Wanda ran straight into me. Smiling I caught her on reflex.

As soon as I touched her I knew something was wrong. The spark was gone, I didn't feel the pull that had always attracted me to her. I looked into her eyes and I realised what was wrong.

It felt like someone had poured ice cold water over me. I froze, unable to comprehend the situation. She was gone. My lovely, selfless, beautiful Wanderer was gone. In front of me was a stranger. Melanie. The more I stared at her face the more differences I could see. Her expression was harder, eyes less innocent. All traces of Wanda was gone.

I step back from her just staring, unable to say anything or do anything else. Eventually she broke the silence in a rush of words.

"She's fine. She's in a tank. We'll get her a body. She'll be fine. Fine. She's fine." Her voice trails off into a whisper.

Relief rushes through me. She wasn't gone and she was safe. But she left. She left me without a real goodbye. Last night made sense – that was her goodbye. But I could let her go this easily. I wouldn't.

Yet I just stood there unsure what to do. Part of me wanted to reach out on hold the girl into my arms, but I kept reminding myself that it wasn't Wanda in front of me. Just a stranger, someone who I had never met, even though she has met me. Melanie had known how I feel about Wanda, and she had made it so hard. But it doesn't matter any more. None of it does.

Melanie spoke up again.

"Do you want to... go to her?" Something in me perked up at the idea. I could go and see her. The real Wanderer, the tiny silver worm. Would she look like the others or...

"She's with Doc," Melanie murmured, interrupting my thoughts. The pain and anger returns at the thought of Doc and his blasted gurney.

Melanie turned halfway and led on into the southern tunnel and I follow her slowly into the darkness.

To Wanda. I speed up, needing to get to her, needing to know that she was safe.

After about half a mile of silence she spoke up again.

"I couldn't stop her," she said, trying to defend herself. I had to ask -

"Did you want to?" I said tensely, not trusting myself not to break down. She seems surprised that I spoke.

"Yes." She responded. Her voice was the same, yet different. Harder that Wanda's had ever been. A reminder that she was gone. My fists curled into balls and I distracted myself by continuing the conversation.

"Why?"

"Because she... is my best friend." That calmed me down.

"I wondered about that." I whispered, partly talking to myself. "I wondered if anyone who really knew her could not love her. You knew her every thought."

"Yes." I hadn't realised she had been listening. "I love her." I paused.

"But you must have wanted your body back?"

"Not if it meant losing Wanda." I digest what she was saying but two words keep running around my head. 'Losing Wanda'. My feet hit harder on the floor and I speed up, anger coursing through my body.

"She is not leaving this planet," I growl.

"That was never her intention." Was her response. I slow down in question, urging her to continue, and she does. "She was making that part up, so you all wouldn't argue with her. She wanted to stay here... She planned to, well, be buried here. With Walter and Wes."

I stopped at that information. No. She wouldn't. Couldn't. The very idea of her not being here. Intending to die for us...

Melanie was quick to continue, attempting to reassure me that Wanda is safe, but I wasn't listening.

"How could she think of doing that to me?" I hissed in pure fury at the situation.

"No," Melanie said softly. "It wasn't like that. She felt like she would be hurting you more if she stayed here... in this body." I shook my head.

"That's ridiculous. How could she want to die rather than leave?"

"She loves it here" Melanie argued. "She doesn't want to live anywhere else."

I was angry. Angry and Wanda. Angry at myself -

"I never thought she would be such a quitter." I snapped.

"She's not," Melanie snapped back. She started speaking slowly. "Wanda... She thinks she's tired of being a parasite, but I think she was just plain tired. She was so worn out, Ian. More than she let anyone see. Losing Wes like that... It was a lot for her. She blamed herself -"

I had to interrupt.

"But she didn't have anything to do with -"

"Try telling her that!" She barked at me and took a deep breath. "Then having to face the Seeker. It was tougher than you know. But more than that, loving you while... loving Jared. Loving Jamie and thinking he needed me more. Loving me. Feeling like she was hurting us all just by breathing. I don't think you can understand what that was like for her, because you're human. You can't imagine how she... she..."

I felt guilty, blaming her. Wanda had suffered more than I thought and he selfless attitude wouldn't have helped.

"I think I know what you mean." I said softly. I couldn't stay angry, particularly when it came to Wanda. Melanie continued her speech, her voice breaking.

"So she really needed a break, but she got all – all melodramatic about it. And I thought I couldn't save her." She took a deep breath. "I didn't know Jared was following us."

I felt my heart twinge in guilt, anger and jealously.

"Jared caught on, but I missed it." I sighed.

"Jared's just overly cautious. He goes overboard. Way, way overboard."

"But he was right." I said simply. I should have seen this coming. I should have protected her.

"Yes. Paranoia comes in handy sometimes."

We walked quietly for a few minuets. Wanda had been planning to die. Is that really what she wanted or was she just being, how Melanie put it, 'melodramatic'? I had to know.

"Do you think she will be angry with us when she wakes up?" I ask.

Melanie snorted. "Wanda, angry? Please."

"Unhappy, then?" I question quietly, afraid of the answer.

"She'll be fine."

But there was something else I needed to know, because I understand Wanda. Despite what she had said last night, I didn't dare hope.

"What you said before, about her loving you, and Jamie, and Jared... and me."

"Yes?"

"Do you think she really does love me, or was she just responding to the fact I love her? Wanting to make me happy?"

She paused and my gut twisted.

"I'm only asking because I don't want to be a... a burden when she wakes up." Melanie still didn't respond and I figured she was trying to find the best way to tell me that Wanda had never loved me. I could feel my heart breaking. "Don't worry about hurting my feelings. I want the truth."

"It's not your feelings I'm worried about. I'm just trying to think of the right way to describe it. I've been... not entirely human for the past year, so I get it, but I'm not sure you do"

"Try me." I needed to know.

"It's strong, Ian. The way she feels about you is something else. She loves this world, but so much of the reason she couldn't leave was really you. She thinks of you as her anchor. You gave her a reason to finally stay in one place after a lifetime of wandering."

I took a deep breath letting it all sink in. She loved me, heart and soul. She had really meant it. For the first time in a while, I felt at peace.

"Then that's all right."

"Yes."

Everything was going to be okay. Melanie and the other can go and find the perfect new body for Wanda whist I look after her, and we will be together again. With a new body we can really be together, without having to worry about anyone else.

"Don't rush." I say.

"What?"

We are rounding the corner towards the light of Doc's hospital. Excitement builds up in me at the chance to see Wanda.

"When you go to find her body," I clarify. "Take your time. Make sure you find one she'll be happy in. I can wait."

"Won't you be coming with us?" Melanie asks, clearly surprised.

I shake my head as we walk up to the big bright hole that is the entrance to the hospital.

"I don't really care about that part. You know what she needs. And I'd rather be here with her." I trusted Melanie to find the perfect body for Wanda, and I honestly didn't want to let Wanda out of my sight ever again.

We step into the light and Jared is already there, leaning against a cot where a tank was sitting. I knew instantly it was Wanda. Forgetting about the rest of the world, I walked strait to her and lift the tank as carefully as I can, and sigh. With relief. With sadness. With hope. My Wanderer.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are much appreciated :) xxx


End file.
